My Story

James Steubing and Carl Hecox at Pedernales Falls State Park - 2/26/2010

How God Forever Changed Me

Before I received Christ, I was an extremely shut down guy who lived in an emotional cave. I believed I was better off not trusting anyone with my heart so I did not open up to my wife or anyone else. I feel I have my real father to thank for that. He left us when I was two years old and that always left me with a sense that I should not trust people. That relying on someone to meet my needs would lead to more disappointment. So, the end result is that I just coasted through life not expecting much from anyone. The real tragedy was that I was not giving anything out either. I was robbing those people who I loved and who truly loved me.

As I became an adult I found satisfaction and security in the things which I was good at. I turned to school to meet my need for affirmation and then later on that evolved into my success at work. The joy I received from work was fleeting though and I realize now that my focus on excelling at work hurt my wife and kids deeply. I was checked out at home and they suffered from it daily.

Before I received Christ I was miserable. I focussed on things that I thought made me happy but still I was dead inside. After receiving Christ, I noticed that I was beginning to feel emotions that I was not able to before. I began to feel compassion which was completely foreign to me. I began to have a heart. I realized that God truly loved me even though my earthly father had abandoned me.

When I married my wife, she introduced me to Jesus and the salvation He was offering me. To be honest, after I received Christ, I did not fully embrace it. I went through the motions of going to church but I kept God and His people at a safe distance. I had a line that I would not let anyone cross which now I realize was only holding back the joy and peace God had for me.

It took me some 20 years to really “buy in” on the idea of surrendering to God, but when I finally did give Him permission to change me, it started an avalanche in my life. Everything changed rapidly. It’s like seeing the world in black and white all your life and then suddenly being given the gift of color. My perspective on life changed radically at that moment! I found confidence in myself that I had never known before. The fear that had gripped me all my life started falling away and a boldness rose up to replace it. God placed in me a love for people like I have never known before. For the first time in my life, I can actually hear God speaking to me. I know who I am now. It’s been awesome! I never want to go back to that old “Me”.

I guess God became real to me when I decided I was tired of the mess I had made for myself. My life was pathetic. My dear wife was miserable and growing more and more bitter at me. My children were being ignored. We were struggling financially. My life just stunk. When I finally realized it was all my fault, that is when I turned to God and asked Him to change me. That is when I surrendered and God took over. Not “took over” like I am some mindless robot. I mean “Took over” like I let a teacher come in and show me how to do things the right way. God put some awesome people in my life to help me overcome Goliath sized issues that previously had me pinned down. Because I was ready to listen, he sent people into my life I could really learn from. The transformation that has resulted has been incredible. Thank God, I am a new man!

A recording of what Steph and I shared with our church on November 29th, 2009 regarding the transformation God has done in our lives.

I no longer fight the feeling of going through the motions for appearances sake or for the ritual of it. Now I despise the thought of being a poser. I would rather be honest about my failures than taint my successes with fake and phony platitudes.

Today, I am confident that praying, reading the word, walking with other men and tackling my problems serves a real purpose in my life. It helps me continue to be successful and helps me fulfill the purposes for which God made me. I know God loves me and that I can trust Him with everything in my life. I know that I am finally a happy man!

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