Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what He wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:2 (The Message)
I think, if we are to be useful to God, we need to be able to share our testimony with the people He puts in our life. A testimony is a statement about what great things God has done in a person’s life. It’s powerful and it’s undeniable. Here’s our story (testimony) in two different formats.
You can also listen to a recording of what Steph and I shared with our church on November 29th, 2009 regarding the transformation God has done in our lives.
I hope that our story has encouraged you in some way. Please take some time and leave a comment about how our testimony has encouraged you or anything else you would like to share.
Over the past six months, one of the most profound things God has done in our marriage has been to resolve lingering hurts once and for all. Steph and I have learned a powerful process that allows that to happen and I want to share it with you.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her
Ephesians 5:25
The process to resolve wounds we have caused our spouse is really simple yet it’s easy to let our emotions derail the healing process. By skipping some important steps during an argument or discussion, we miss a huge opportunity to close the door forever to those painful areas of the heart. The end result is that the pain keeps resurfacing and comes out during otherwise minor issues. Neither side understands what is happening and the absence of resolution causes the hurt to get bigger and bigger.
I believe the key to closing these doors is to clearly acknowledge the pain you have caused. The faster you do it, the faster they can let go of it. It does not matter what the pain is over. It does not matter if they misunderstood you and took your actions the wrong way. What matters is that something you did hurt them and they need to heal from it. If your heart is in the right place, you will see the hurt for what it is and realize that you alone have the power to heal it.
Now, our natural instinct is to defend ourselves. Don’t do it. If you acknowledge the pain and then follow it with “but I (fill in your justification here)…” you end up nullifying the acknowledgement and are back at zero which leaves the wound open. The issue may go away for a while, but the hurt is still there and when you least expect it, your hearing about it again. I can tell you first hand that the peace I get from resolving the pain in her life is much sweeter than the pride I get from defending myself. To be honest with you, more often than not, I knew she was right but I was too stubborn to admit it. I felt that mixing in some justification was a compromise and it helped me keep some honor, but in reality I was trashing her feelings for the sake of my pride. My lack of humility was grieving God and prolonging the suffering of my wife.
If you will go through this process each time a hurt is exposed, you will find that root issues will come to the surface too. Hurts she did not even understand will now be crystal clear to her. Acknowledge your part in the root pain and watch it vanish forever. If it’s a really deep wound it may come up again, but if your willing to keep acknowledging your part in it, God will heal it forever.
Another key ingredient is true repentance. You have to mean what you are saying and you have to stop doing the thing that caused her the pain to begin with. When she sees this happening it allows that scab to heal over. The whole ordeal may leave a scar, but that’s a lot better than a sore that never heals. Scars eventually fade away and most of the pain endured to get the scar is forgotten. The closeness and trust that she gains in you is well worth the mark that will fade over time.
This process is not just for you to follow with your spouse. You can apply it to your children, parents, friends and family, co-workers. Anyone in your life which you experience conflict with.
Once you begin to practice this process properly you will see your relationship change. Arguments will be over much sooner. They will happen far less often. After a while you will realize that the issues that used to come up often no longer come up at all. You will look back and see how much closer God has brought you to her.
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Ephesians 5:1-2
If you desire to be a better husband and have a more intimate relationship with your wife, I highly recommend the book Devotions for a Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. You basically go through one devotion a week with your wife and the content you cover is awesome. It helps you understand how God uses marriage to expand our souls and make us holy. It helps you grow closer to Him as well as closer to her. If you are not doing a regular devotion with your wife, you need to be and this weekly devotion is a great one to get started with. If you are already doing devotions with your spouse, this devotion will bring a fresh perspective on how God can mature you through your marriage. I recommend it highly.
As I write this post, I am speaking to myself as well. You see, I created this blog three months ago and then became paralyzed with indecision about where to start. I have a lot of great things to share in regards to what God has done in my life and how He has transformed me and know that He wants me to start sharing it with others, but fear set in and stopped me from moving forward with the site.
I found myself battling with where to start and with thoughts of doubt. Will my messages be read? Will anyone care? Who am I to be telling anybody anything anyway? After three months of hesitation God continues to remind me that I have changed and I do have something to offer other men. That He has transformed me and that others need to be hearing how God did it in me and how He can do it in them too. So with that, I will take the leap with a simple message. Just start doing the things you know you are supposed to do and God will take care of the rest.
First, I believe you need to admit to God that doing things your way has failed you. He can’t begin to transform you until you are willing to be transformed. Acknowledging your weaknesses to God and giving him permission to change you is key. Yes, I know. God already knows your junk, but He needs to hear you admit that your powerless to change without Him. Humbling yourself before God is a critical step in the process to becoming the man who God created you to be. David illustrates that fact time and time again.
Second, get in the word. Learn what God says about overcoming and who He created you to be. The book of Romans is a great place to start. Get the religious junk off and start walking in the power Jesus provides every man if they will use it.
Third, find men in your life who have a solid relationship with God and share your struggles with them. The devil’s most effective tactic to cripple a man is to get him alone and keep him there. Alone in his thoughts. Alone in his sin. The moment you begin sharing your struggles with men who have already overcome the major issues in their life, you will see a dramatic change in your own. The shackles will fall off and you will have the strength and energy to overcome. You will have a freedom to overcome. If you do not know any Godly men that you can confide in, ask God to bring some into your life. You can’t fight the culture around you alone. You have to ask for help and be willing to accept it.
You also need to heed the biblical advice given to you. If you are given good advice and do nothing with it, you are a fool. Don’t be that guy.
Fourth, read some good books on the subject. I highly recommend you read and re-read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. God used this book and it’s simple message to open my heart and help me realize that He created me to be courageous and strong. To be alive and free and help my wife and children be overcomers as well. As you read this book, I highly recommend you underline and make notes when something touches your heart. This will help you later when you re-read the book to see your progress and allow you to revisit those areas of your heart. God wants you to be an overcomer and this book will help you get there.
Fifth, if you are married, be open with your spouse. Don’t keep it all to yourself. Share with her your hurts, fears and needs. She needs to be a part of this journey with you and she needs to know she can count on you to do the same with her. Going through this process with her will strengthen your marriage, illustrate to your children a proper model and put the enemy on his tail. If your issues are too big to resolve together, seek out some help from your pastor or a good Christian counselor.
Lastly, start stepping out in faith. Take those first few steps which will lead to the next few steps and so on. God will be there with you, every step of the way.
Update: The Men’s Boot Camp planned for May 14-17th, 2009 has been postponed after prayerful consideration. Alamo Band of Brothers is fully committed to the mission of helping men find the life God intended. They are taking some time off to find more of it for themselves. A fall event is being planned.
I am extremely excited that the Alamo Band of Brothers is putting on another Boot Camp May 14th through 17th at the Live Oak Ranch Retreat Center on River Road. Here’s what their website says about the event…
RECOVER WHAT’S BEEN LOST…
This retreat isn’t a church service, a sermon series, a 3-step plan, a “let’s get it right this time” pep rally or a self help seminar. It’s a four day expedition, a quest, for the recovery of your soul as a man. You are made in the image of God: dangerous, passionate, and free… but the freedom you want won’t come without a fight.
Inspired by the book “Wild at Heart” by author John Eldredge, our sessions use modern films, candid discussion, guided periods of reflection, and journaling to take you on more than a retreat–it is an expedition of the heart.
It starts on Thursday night and ends on Sunday afternoon. The setting is pure Texas hill country at beautiful Live Oak Ranch Retreat Center near Canyon Lake, Texas.
I have shared openly that the Wild at Heart materials have had a huge impact on my transformation. I believe this event will take me so much further in my journey with God. I encourage every man who wants to fully experience the transformation God has intended for them to consider attending this event. If you have ever thought about attending one of John Eldredges Wild at Heart conferences, this is definately for you.
Registration opens on March 20th and the cost is $225 per person. That’s almost 50% less then attending the Wild at Heart event in Colorado (which is in such high demand they had to go to a lottery system to decide who gets to attend). We are so blessed to have this event taking place in our own backyard!
Here are some testimonies from men who attended last year’s boot camp…
“I lost my life. I have always wanted life. God said ‘I come to give you life abundantly.’ I had resigned to awaiting death. Not in a mean grumbling way. Just quietly gave up. I was tired of a life with no meaning, no purpose. I had the things, the position & for the past 20 years have been called a “leader,” a man of God. I have, and do, love God with all that I am, but felt so beat up after 23+ years of service. I don’t mind battle scars. I don’t mind the challenges, but I had forgotten what I was fighting for. This week has brought back purpose! This has put me back in the story! I now have my eyes open to see that the story never ended when I gave up. It was just another part of the story!”
“This weekend has been one of the most significant in my whole life.”
“This has been an awesome experience. I have been telling my wife for years now that something was missing in my life – I just didn’t feel like a man. I really appreciate the honest & from the heart testimonies from (you men). It hit me like a brick that you are just like me & that I’m not alone in my struggles. I feel now like there is hope & that I know how to approach God to meet my needs.”
“It has meant everything to me. Having gone through the book (Wild at Heart) several times, it did not have near the impact that these 3 ½ days have. I met God in a whole new way. I am ready and eager to take up the new role that He has given me – to engage in the battle.”
“Thank you again for all you did to facilitate such a life changing event.”
“The evidence (of God here) is in the successes that have been recorded here. Lives changed. Men set free. Hope restored. Faith revealed & deepened. Friendships & brotherhood born from this crucible of God’s refining which will last & produce great fruit for the Kingdom.”
“I can honestly say that Boot Camp was ‘The Best’ retreat I have been on! I went to Boot Camp knowing there was so much more than I was experiencing and came away validated by the only One that could validate me from the beginning!!!!”
“I used to say ‘God show me…_________.’ Now I am confident to hear his voice, and I say instead ‘God tell me…___________.’”
“My profuse and overwhelming thanks for such a marvelous weekend! I am still basking in the afterglow. I spoke to my son about setting time aside to make the next camp. I am hoping that you will have to go to a lottery to handle the demand. Or increase the number of camps.”
“I cannot express what my life has been like since. Everyone I come into contact with is hearing, seeing, and feeling the repercussions of the weekend! I AM A BLESSED MAN!! I Love you guys and look forward to our stories bleeding into one another’s again!!”
I am excited and a little overwhelmed with the idea of joining the blogging ranks but here I am. My goal is to have a medium where I can share what God has done in my life and hopefully be helpful to others who may be going through similar challenges and struggles.
I believe transformation is a process of continual improvement so I do not go into this with the belief that I have it all figured out. My journey with the Lord will be travelled daily and I look forward to where He leads. I also look forward to getting to know the people He chooses to have walk with me.
Over the weeks and months ahead I will journal what I feel the Lord wants me to share. Some of it will be extremely personal, but I have come to realize that true change can only take place when you are willing to be transparent to God, yourself, your spouse and your friends. You can get a good idea of what is coming by visiting the About This Site page.
I hope you are both encouraged and challenged by what you find here.
